Ode to Doritos

My favorite snack/junk food is potato chips, specifically Doritos. Oh, there was a time in the late 80s when I went through a pretty serious Pizza Combos phase, and I can’t say I’ve ever had a problem with a bag of Ruffles along with some French Onion dip, but bottom line -- my true love has always been Doritos.

Looking back, I’ve really never had a bad experience with Doritos, unless you count the times I’ve cut and bruised the inside of my mouth eating them. Some of you don’t understand what I’m talking about, but some of you are nodding your head up and down, knowing exactly what I’m talking about. You really have to get after it to cut your mouth up, but it’s possible. Sometimes I catch myself shoveling them in by the handful. I don’t try to eat this way. I want to slowly enjoy the Doritos. I always start with one chip at a time, savoring each one, but within three minutes, I’m grabbing handfuls. It’s a slippery slope.

And I’m certainly glad we don’t have a ‘nanny cam’ at my house, because it would capture me laying on the couch and stuffing my face in a very unflattering manner. This is not footage I would want my wife to see, or worse yet, footage I would want my friends to get a hold of and post on YouTube.

Basically, Doritos are my kryptonite. I can wake up every day at 5:00 a.m. and run/bike/swim, but I can’t walk down the chip aisle at the grocery store without grabbing a bag. And if it’s two bags for the price of one, I immediately grab two. Damn you Doritos!

The whole bag
Amongst my group of friends, the question has come up a few times of “Can you eat an entire bag of chips?” Of course, these are the same friends who debate things like “Can you eat 12 taco bell tacos in 30 minutes?” and “Would you rather be attacked by a shark or alligator?” and “If you went back in time, would rather fight in a Braveheart-era battle or run the Apocalypto gauntlet?”

But I digress. The answer to the chip question is always yes. Who couldn’t eat a bag of Sour Cream and Onion Lays? But when asked specifically about Doritos, the debate starts. Your talking a net weight of 12.5 ounces. The Dorito is a heavy chip and quite filling. Eating a whole bag would take some skills, determination, and resilience.

I almost ate a whole bag once. Well, a few times actually. The only reason I stopped was because I didn’t want to be able to say “I’ve eaten a entire bag of Doritos in one sitting.” That’s not something I want to add to my power eating resume, which now consists mostly of eating contests in college, a handful of Thanksgiving meals, and of course, that time at Waffle House that I really can’t get into.

I feel confident I could eat an entire bag, without much problem. But, for my piece of mind, I typically eat a bag in two sittings.

What is the best Dorito flavor?
The age-old argument of Nacho Cheese vs. Cool Ranch will probably never be settled. Because really, it could go either way. Both sides respect the other. Let’s just call it a draw. It really depends on your mood, but all should agree that these are the two top flavors.

But you have to give it up for some of the other flavors as well -- Sweet and Spicy Chili, Fiery Habanero, Blazin' Buffalo and Ranch, Black Pepper Jack, and Salsa, to name a few. And how about the Dorito Collisions? Anybody got a problem with Blue Cheese and Wild Wing, or Zesty Taco and Chipotle Rance? I didn't think so. The Doritos marketing team really knows its demographic.

The only misfires in Doritos' quest for chip dominance are the Baked Doritos and the Dorito Puffers. I've never met anyone who liked them anywhere near as much as they liked regular Doritos. That’s like saying you like Luke Skywalker more than Han Solo. It’s just wrong, and really, we can’t be friends.

Magic moments
A few years ago my youngest son asked me what I was eating. It dawned on me that he had never eaten a Collision Dorito. I tilted him the bag and simply said, “Try one.” Upon taking a bite, he smiled and said, “Man, that’s goooood!” Right you are son. Right you are.

Keep up the good work Doritos. Your efforts are appreciated.

South Carolina Ultra Running 2009

The South Carolina Ultra Trail Run series is back in 2009. The series consists of four events held during the year in different locations throughout the state:

Buncombe Trail 34 Miles
Sunday May 3
Limit of 74 runners

Chattooga River 50K
Sunday June 7
Limit of 74 runners

FATS Forty 40/50
Sunday Oct 4
Limit of 74 runners

Harbison Forest 50K
Sunday Nov 8
Limit of 100 runners

Kudos to founder and race director Terri Hayes for putting on these unique endurance events. For more information, click here.

At the Races

I raced my first Criterium this weekend in Columbia. I did Saturday's race of the Blythewood and Forest Acres Spring Criteriums. I really didn't know what to expect and just planned on taking everything in and learning as much as I could.

Here are my take-aways: Use your brakes as little as possible on turns; above all else, stay with the pack; when warming up, really redline it a few times because a crit is fast from start to finish; ride the course and be ready for every turn and climb.

I learned these lessons the hard way, unfortunately. The weather was awful Saturday morning. Around 40 degrees and pouring rain. They almost cancelled the event, but just postponed the start times an hour or so until the rain stopped. Because I was feeling a little under the weather myself, I just sat in my car until time to start. So no warmup, no course evaluation.

When the race did start, I quickly found myself at the back of the pack because I would slip a few places each turn. The 1.4 mile loop course was a little technical in that it had 8 turns, and a nice little climb to the start/finish line. As soon as we started the climb I dropped back only a bike length or two, but lost contact with the pack. Before I realized what happened, they were gone. I pushed it up to 24-25 MPH for about 100 meters but it was pointless, I could not catch up. They were gone and I knew I had really screwed up. I dropped back down to 20MPH, rode hard the rest of the race, and finished solo, dead last except for a couple of guys who dropped out -- probably due to mechanical issues.

Oh well. It happens. I'll be more prepared next race. One cool thing I want to note is that the race director mentioned before the race that years ago, Columbia had a really strong racing scene but it had faded out in the past 20 years. He wants to bring it back and stage more races in the city. Good for him and I'll be happy to support that effort.

2009 Downtown Columbia Triathlon
The Downtown Columbia Triathlon will be held Saturday March 21, at the Blatt Center on the South Carolina campus. This is a 500 meter pool swim, 10 mile bike, and 5k run -- all downtown Columbia. Sounds really fun. I came very close to registering, just to check it out, but I need to get in some big miles this week.

If you're interested, there are still 118 spots available of the 400 allowed. Here is the race website.

Upcoming Cycling Races in South Carolina

I got the road bike. I got the 2009 USA Cycling License. I just need to find a race! And there are plenty to choose from in the coming weeks.

Greenville Races
Greenville has been hosting weekend races since mid-February as part of the 2009 Greenville Spring Series. On Saturday March 7, the River Falls Road Race will be held, and on Sunday March 8, a criterium will be held at the BMW Performance Center. For race information and directions, go to www.hincapie.com.

Columbia Race weekend March 14-15
The Blythewood and Forest Acres Spring Criteriums will be held in Columbia. Here's a link to the event flyer, which has all the start times and registration information.

Out Like a Lion Race Weekend, Charlotte March 21-22
The weekend starts with the Uwharrie Wheelmen Road Race on Saturday. A 6.6 mile loop with several challenging rolling hills that starts at Kendall Valley School. Registration is available on www.pre-reg.com. Day of registration opens at 7:30AM. For more information, maps and directions, contact Tracey at Middle Ring Cycles at 704-322-3559, or visit www.uwharriewheelmen.org and click on link for events calendar.

On Sunday there is the City Park Criterium. The race course is a .9 mile four corner loop around City Park with a small hill up to the finish line. For more information, visit www.charlottesportscycling.com, or email Neal at nealboyd@charlottesportscycling.com.

Rock Hill Race weekend April 4-5
Saturday is the Old Town Criterium on Main Street, downtown Rock Hill. The multi-lap course is 0.8 mile. Race organizers are anticipating 500 riders racing throughout the day.

Sunday is the Patriot’s Trail Road Race in Brattonsville, SC . This 45 mile, multi-loop race in southern York County allows riders to challenge themselves through rolling countryside.
Estimated Participation 550 riders. To register online, visit www.rockhillbicycleclub.com.

I’m going to try and race at least one day each of these weekends. If anyone has raced in these events, please let me know your thoughts.

And by the way, there are a number of cycling sites out there with local race info, but I’ve found the Carolinas Cycling Association site the most informative and actively updated with race information, and the road forum is very useful as well. I highly recommend using it if you’re looking around for cycling events in the North Carolina and South Carolina region.

And just a reminder to USA Cycling license holders. The Upcoming Events tab on your profile page pulls in all the road events in your area, complete with an active link to the race site and flyer. Nice touch, and very usable.

Levi wins Amgen Tour of California

So Levi Leipheimer of team Astana won the Amgen Tour of California, his third straight. I wrote in an earlier post that I thought Levi wasn't a good team leader and was lucky to be in that position. I still feel the same. I really can't argue that he's not a cycling talent, he's just not the talent he seems to think he is.

His demeanor, his interviews - it all feels like he's trying to be the next Lance, and it comes off really contrived. Like when he held up three fingers as he crossed the finish line in the final time trial on Saturday (and again on the podium). I mean come on, that image of Lance holding up his fingers to represent the number of Tour wins he had is iconic. To rip that off as you cross the finish line of the Tour of California is weak. Settle down Levi. It's contrived, it's a blatant Lance ripoff, and it's a small race. Do something in the Tour de France and you'll make me a believer.

Honestly, he sort of reminds me of Danica Patrick, but that's a whole other story.

Other thoughts from the race
Team Astana is very, very strong. With Contador in the lineup, they will be a force. Team director Johan Bruyneel has his hands full though. He's got big egos and loads of talent to direct. I don't see Contador riding for anyone, and he's said as much. Lance might give him the nod if the reality of his age is too much to overcome, but that is yet to be seen. And Levi is going to be another issue. Very interesting team dynamics.

Floyd Landis of the Ouch team looked fairly solid after spending two years away from racing. He showed flashes of great form, but never could keep up with the lead group at the end of the day.

American teams Garmin-Slipstream and Columbia Highroad looked really strong. Dave Zabriskie (Slipstream) took second overall, while Michael Rogers (Columbia) took third. And Mark Cavendish is officially the best sprinter in all of cycling at the moment. He's a lock to win several sprint stages in any race.

And it's great of course to see Hincapie still doing his thing, riding strong in every stage, and even placing third in the final stage.

All in all it was a fun race to watch and it seemed to generate lots of fan support. Huge crowds, in fact, record crowds at Sunday's finish in San Diego. That's good news for American cycling.

This is the country's biggest stage race, but not the only one. I called it the only major stage race in an earlier post and was corrected. The Tour of Missouri is in its third year. Last year, American Christian Vande Valde of Garmin won.

I'm not sure which Pro teams this race attracts, or if it's televised, but this year's race is September 7-13. Check out the official Tour of Missouri website for all the details.